In Montney, when I was a kid, handshakes were reserved for weddings and funerals. At least that’s how I remember them.

It wasn’t until I went to my first junior hockey training camp in Kamloops that I really noticed handshakes. I remember feeling a bit awkward at first, shaking hands so many times in a day. I sometimes felt it was a bit of a testosterone charged competition to see who could squeeze the hardest and maintain eye contact the longest. But maybe I was over-thinking it.

After the hockey phase, my handshaking was once again limited to weddings, funerals, and when Norwegian relatives were visiting. Being an adult, I suppose I shook hands on more occasions than I remember but, let’s just say, I never gave handshakes much thought.

That all changed after hearing a presentation by a veteran English teacher from California. She talked about the importance of creating friendly relationships with students. One of her strategies was to greet each of them every time they arrived to her class with either a hug, handshake or simple pat on the shoulder. This was a sea change from the advice that many veteran teachers were still giving. They said things like, “don’t smile until Christmas… you’ll lose control!”

Not long after the presentation I was appointed principal of Bert Bowes Junior Secondary School (coincidently, the same school I’d attended for grades 8 and 9!). With the Californian teacher’s words running through my mind, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone… I would say goodbye to students with a handshake as they left the school. I remember how awkward it felt for the first few days! I would stand by the main door in the middle of the hallway with my hand extended. I could tell that the kids felt awkward too… They would look at me as if I was a bit odd. Some, if they were from Montney, were probably wondering who was getting married or who had died! That being said, all but a few would warily extend their hand and say good-bye.

After a few days, it started to get easier. In fact, some kids were actually slowing down and purposely moving towards me to get their handshake. By the end of the month, I was actually creating a bit of a bottle neck at the door. In fact, I was having to become creative in order to keep up to the hands extended my way… left handed handshakes, behind the back handshakes, high fives… What made the handshakes special were the smiles that went with them and, because I always tried to learn kid’s names, this ritual became another chance to practice them.

By the time I left Bowes four years later, the afternoon handshake had become a bit of a tradition. I hated to be away from the school at dismissal time. The handshakes were good for my soul.

To this day I can always tell when I run into a student who knows me from my Bert Bowes days. They shake my hand.

The handshake is said to have originated as a symbol of peace; a demonstration that neither “shaker” had a weapon in their hand. The purpose of one is to convey trust, balance, and equality. I think they do all of that. We are often advised to make sure our handshakes are “firm”. I guess I agree, however, “firm” to the point of being competitive, or aggressive, doesn’t’ do it for me. It shouldn’t be an arm-wrestle. I believe handshakes should be relationship builders and expressions of friendship. Maybe, “firm” should just mean that you mean it?